Why I love Christmastime…

I’m giddy right now.

I’m not sure why Christmastime makes me this way. Part of it, no doubt, stems from loving Jesus and looking forward to celebrating His birth on a special day. Part of it comes from the change in weather; there’s something invigorating and wonderful about the need for a sweater and stocking cap. I guess the music and decorations help. I get a little choked up every time I hear “I’m getting’ nuttin’ for Christmas” sung by a kid with a lisp. And for some reason, I really like lights on trees.

But, at the beginning of every December, I am endlessly intrigued as to why, exactly, this is indeed the hap-happiest season of all.

Is it because I have kids? I mean, they are awesome. But, they are equally as awesome in March and July and September (and I got this way even when I was a bachelor with no known children).

Is it my wife? Nope. I’m pretty sure it’s not my wife.

Is it the giving? The receiving? Is it the free assortments of chocolates and cheeses gifted by vendors and customers and co-workers? Is it apple cider? I can’t be sure, but it’s probably not these things, either.

What, then?

Well, I’ve done some research and a little bit of soul-searching on the subject, and I think I might have figured some of it out. I’ll share my findings with you now, for surely you’ve wondered the same thing(s), and maybe… just maybe… you’ll discover a truism of your own in this litany of… Christmastime joy.

ELVES. I like little people. They’ve always made me feel better about myself. I may not be the best me I can be, but I am tall, and there’s no changing that. It’s true… Those midgets can put a smile on my face even when I’m at my lowest low. “It’s good to be me,” I say.

SNOW. Whether real, which is not likely in Birmingham, or fake, snow is beautiful. And it rhymes with “ho.”

SANTA. First of all, he’s jolly. How can you not like “jolly”? Also, he’s fat. Now, I’m not in the best shape of my life, but this guy is huge. And like his little dwarf-helpers, he just makes me feel good about being me. I’ll never get that big. Also, Santa gallivants around shouting, “Ho. Ho. Ho.” He’s got attitude. I respect that.

CHANUKAH. Chewbacca? No… Chanukah. But you can see how this can be fun. And the Dreidel game is priceless! Especially if you know the Don McLean song. And I know the Don Mclean song. “American Pie” aint got nothin’ on this Jewish gem:

I feel like a spinning top or a Dreidel. The spinning don’t stop when you leave the cradle…

BODHI DAY. “What the hell is Bodhi Day, Billy?” Exactly. I like to respond to passersbys’ “Merry Christmases” by exclaiming, “… and here’s hoping you and yours enjoy a safe and joyous Bodhi Day.” It’s a Buddhist thing, and there are not many Buddhists in Birmingham. Therein lies the fun.

JINGLE BELLS. Not the song… The actual bells. They jingle. Yes!

“FELIZ NAVIDAD”. Not the song… the waiter at Pueblo Viejo Fine Mexican. Swear to God.

MELE KAMIKIMAKA. Um.

CHRISTMAS RAPPIN’. Kurtis Blow will change your life.

BING CROSBY. This guy was like O.J. Simpson. He could do no wrong! OJ rushed for more than 11,000 career yards with the Bills and the 49er’s. He was called The Juice. Oh, and he brutally murdered two people. But boy, was he a good running back! And, Bing had something like 21 gold records – including, yes, “White Christmas,” but also “Too-Ra-Lo-Ra-Loo-Ral”. That’s awesome. And his popularity as a singer was matched only by his success as an actor. He won an Academy Award, for goodness sakes! He also used to beat the living crap out of his kids – 2 of whom killed themselves after Papa Bing died. But that voice! Ah, Christmas.

FA-LA-LA-LA-LA… LA-LA-LA-LA. ‘Nuff said.

WRAPPING PAPER FIGHTS. I once gave my grandmother a bloody nose when I threw the paper from my new jam box at her. I meant it for Uncle David, but it was still an awesome shot.

THIS PICTURE:

NUTS. Huh-huh. “Nuts.”

AMBROSIA. I can eat my weight in this stuff. My Aunt makes the best ambrosia in the world. Try it, and you will agree. If not, I will fight you and then eat the rest of your ambrosia, you taste nazi.

ONLINE SHOPPING. I haven’t been to a mall to buy presents in more than 6 years. Sometimes, on-line distributors will even gift wrap stuff for you. I love the Internet, and at no time more than at Christmastime is there a better use for it.

“MISTLETOEING”. I love the fact that at Christmastime, anything goes. You can even take a noun and make it a verb. And “mistletoeing” sometimes leads to Jingle Belling, which is beyond awesome.

What about you? Care to add anything to the list? Why do you love the hap-happiest season of all?

Anyway, Happy Christmastime from the Ivey’s. And may your Bodhi Day be safe and joyous…

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2 Comments

  1. Boo,

    Good stuff. I must submit that the movie “Christmas Vacation” is what makes me giddy during Christmastime. Who can forget Clark (Sparky) Griswald. “Hey Griswald what are you going to do with a tree that big?”..”Bend over and I’ll show ya”. So many lines from that movie!!! Gotta love it!

  2. Billy, this is precious & priceless…you do make me smile! Happy Holidays to you and your beautiful family.

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