Two Thousand and Nine

I was asleep on the couch when 2009 started. I sleep on the couch sometimes so I can watch TV late at night, but ever since Dick Clark was replaced by that guy who used to be on MTV, I haven’t made too much of a point to stay awake for the ball-drop. I am pretty sure I was watching a West Wing rerun when I dozed off. Anyway, January was cold and dark in Birmingham. It rained lots and lots, and that is also when my business failed. It didn’t so much fail as it just sort of stopped succeeding. I became a freelance writer by mid-month, and have been freelancing ever since. Lots of “free.” I digress… ABE turned two on January 29, which is cool, because that is his birthday. BETHANY turned 35 on the first day of February… also her birthday… and we ate a lot of chocolate around the middle of the month to celebrate St. Valentine, who was evidently a famous chocolatier and greeting card maker in Europe a long time ago. In March, it was St. Patrick’s turn. He is my favorite saint, because not only was he a midget, he also invented beer. April came after March this year. In May, MERRIE CANNON turned four years old. I’m pretty sure she was smiling on that day – not because she got presents and cupcakes – because she smiles every day and continues to be the sweetest child ever made by God. In June, Bethany and I drove North for 13 hours and ended up getting a baby in Tiffin, OH. We met some beautiful people in Tiffin and thank God for them daily. The baby’s name is QUINN, and he has blessed our family beyond description. He turned one on June 26. June is also the month we ran out of money. I think it had to do with all of the cupcakes we bought for Merrie Cannon’s birthday. It might have a little to do with the fact that no one was hiring me to write stuff for money, but I am going to continue to blame Merrie Cannon. July was equally as bad financially, so we sold Merrie Cannon. She went for less than she is worth, but it helped get us through a tough spot. We’ll miss her smile. At the end of that month, I turned 37 years old. On my birthday, I bought a six-pack of beer with the money my grandmother sent me, and was carded by the girl at the gas station. I kissed her on the lips and asked her to go away with me. She said, “no, thanks.” August was better financially, but I had to work really hard… and that wasn’t as much fun as not working hard, so we sold Abe. In September, BEN turned 6. I am fairly certain he is the coolest kid on this or any other planet. I hope business picks up, because I have grown attached to the little guy. October is one of my top 10 or 12 months. I do not know about where you live, but in Birmingham, people dress up in silly costumes at the end of the month and give away candy to celebrate St. Halloween. He was the saint who invented Tootsie Rolls and Blow Pops. Last month was November. St. Thanksgiving was born in November and he is the guy who invented Pilgrims and sweet potato casserole. We spent his birthday with Bethany’s family in Columbiana, AL. We only go to Columbiana 40 or 50 times a year, so we thought it would be neat to surprise everybody. December is when we celebrate the birthdays of Jesus and Anna Beth. ANNA BETH turned 10 years old on the 13th. Jesus would have been 2,012, give or take. This year, we got Jesus a Guitar Hero game to go with the Wii we bought Him last year. Anna Beth got a hamster named Pickles. He died 2 days later. We’ll miss his smile.

Happy New Year!



  1. I read this thinking that I would gain some wisdom from you as I begin pondering 2009. I didn’t gain wisdom. I laughed. Now that I think about it, that may be the exact wisdom I need. Maybe I need to learn to laugh in the chaos.

  2. I love you, wife. How could I forget where I ACTUALLY was on New Year’s? Vanderbilt had just won their first bowl game in 169 years, and we were enjoying the thrill of victory together… in Nashville. I guess that should have tipped us off to how whacky the rest of ’09 would be.

    2010 should be all good and normal. Vanderbilt was 2 and 10 this year and it seems the planets are back aligned.

  3. Good stuff, Billy! I was trying to keep track of how many kids you have left as Nicole and I may be in the market for a 4 yr old girl. Let me know if anything comes up. Thanks!

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